I feel like I have wasted the last few years of my life. All the college I have done, I put myself through. Every-last-penny. I worked and worked and saved $$$ and took a bunch random classes that did not complement each other. I took a math class, a study skills class, an intro into photography, a couple of institute classes, and started a watercolor painting class, spent $100's on supplies, and never finished it (because LIFE happened.). I was part time, and this was all right after high school. I have not been in school for over 2 years. I don't have enough credits for anything and it's not really worth transferring. My mom "made too much" so, I was not able to qualify for grants (because she was a single-mom a.k.a. the working poor). My dad never helped, but, I never really said anything because it's not easy for me to go to my dad for help.
Now that I am married, I thought school would be easier, since my parents no longer claim me and we are officially poor. OH how wrong I was!!! It's SO much harder! All we do is work. Atleast Dallin has his mind at ease because he KNOWS what he is working towards. I am stuck in dead end jobs that I don't care for (I am DONE with food industry, but, thats where I have cornered myself) My mom wishes so much to help us and I know it tears her up because she can't. My dad is not supportive of school now, because, "I'm married and I need to get Dallin through school so he can provide for us and then I need to start having kids." (You can tell which of my parents went to school and got 2 degrees and which one dropped out.) In April 2001, Pres. Hinckley gave a talk to the young women of the church and he said, " In this day and time, a girl needs an education. She needs the means and skills by which to earn a living should she find herself in a situation where it becomes necessary to do so." So, married or not, I-need-to-go-to-school!
Dallin keeps telling me that I should go into whatever I want. But, to me it's not practical because EVERYTHING I have wanted to do since I was 10 requires either a Masters Degree, or a PH.D. If I am going to GO to school, I want to be able to enjoy what I went for! Not go to school 6 - 10 years, get a degree, and then be a stay at home mom with all this debt for no reason! My goal was to be done with kids by the age 30. If I do this, instead, I probably wont be starting til I am 30! I want my kids to be all grown and could be on their own by the time I am 40-45. Thats what my mom did and she can now go out and do things and still be young enough to do it!
My P. Blessing says to further my education but it also says that Motherhood will be the most important work I will do in my life and that I may understand the great gift of it. I'm just terrified I'm going to make a bad mother. . .
Things I want to do, thought about doing, or might consider:
Archeology Paleontology Egyptology Oceanographer Historian
Counselor Therapist/Psychiatrist Social Worker Criminal Justice
Forensics Criminal Psychology Wedding Planner Visual Design
Interior Design Vet Tech Pet Groomer The Military Floral Arranging
Photography Painting Writing Music/Singing Beauty>Hair
This is just what I can think of right now. I just don't know what to do.
I kind of know what you're feeling right now. I'm done with my BS, but everything I want to do seems to require more school. At the same time I really want to be a mom and I don't want to be in school when I have little kids. Then again, I want to have a career choice to fall back on. It's frustating. So, I guess you have a few choices: you could start school now and finish it and then have kids, you could go to school while you have kids, or wait until you are done having kids. I actually just read a talk by Pres. Hinkley the other day that strongly encouraged women to get educated. However, there are more ways than school to educate yourself. Also, I agree with you, school is WAY harder once you get married, but grants are easier to get. Keep praying for guidance and good luck!!
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