Marriage

You know, this whole weekend of the gay community being able to get married in Utah has got me thinking. We predominantly live in a society who thinks marriage is simply a piece of paper, where a couple would rather cohabitate than commit to each other. Divorce rates are dropping simply because less and less people are choosing to get married. As a result, families are either becoming nonexistent or they are being targeted and torn apart and leaving extreme emotional scars on the children of the future who are supposed to take care of us when my generation gets old.... how is this comforting? How can so many straight people want this life? I'm actually in awe of the LGTB community. All they've been able to do is cohabitate, and that hasn't been enough for them. They actually want to commit to each other, to be a family! How admirable is that!? I love that there are actually people out there who care about the commitment of marriage. Instead of being discriminating and hateful, I think we should marvel at the example this group of people are setting. The straight community could learn a lot from their mindset; we need to not take marriage for granted! It is a God given right and sacred bond that gets trashed and misused everyday. I'm grateful there are people still fighting for that desire that seemed to have become "unpopular". 

The Ashley you know and love, is back!

Sorry for the long hiatus everyone, but, it was necessary. Most of you know that my life started going down hill a year ago last December. 2013 has been anything but a kind year to me. Honestly, I'd say that I was seriously mentally unwell for about 9 months of this entire year. All my mental illnesses went from mild/moderate to severe, and I heavily considered suicide more times than I'd like to admit. I admitted myself to a psych ward for almost a week in the beginning of the year and that was a very.... educational and traumatizing experience. I left that place feeling terrified going back out into the world and with more prescriptions than I came in with. Through out the course of the year,  I learned I couldn't trust almost everyone I thought I was close to and I had to start again at ground 0 to build new friendships and relationships. I have been subject, over the course of my life to now, to every form of abuse. Basically ever since March, I've had extreme difficulty finding a descent a stable job. In July, I got diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, commonly known as P.C.O.S Depending on the severity of the disease, it can render some women completely infertile, and I don't know how severe I am and probably won't know until I want to get pregnant, which is now years away for me.  As you can see, I've had a horrible year.  

As I've had many low points this past year, I've had some high points as well. I am now on only one medication and it has nothing to do with mental illness. I happened to be blessed with a descent job about a month ago, and I love it! I had the opportunity to go to school this semester and I have loved my class! (I'm actually really bummed that the semester is over.) I gratefully never became homeless and hungry because of my wonderful mom and sister being there for me, no matter what, as true family members should be. I also had the opportunity to make one of my dreams come true; I got to work at Nightmare on 13th (a local haunted, haunted house), and be part of the Nightmare crew, but we like to call each other family. :) **as a side note; to get hired at Nightmare,  it's a 4 step audition process, and this was the hardest new hire year they had because so many nightmare veterans returned. So the fact that I got a part there was nothing short of amazing!** Through out the year, I've had a few extremely kind and giving men, that were either complete strangers to me or distant acquaintances, just give me money, and we're not talking 20 dollar bills, either. I've had other kind people fill my gas tank, give me food for my animals when I ran out, and give me gift cards as well. I know I'm missing a few others simply because I'm choosing to not mention them because they are personal to me or they temporarily slipped my mind, but, you get the picture! I've been on the receiving end of great charity and service that I will not forget. Through out my humble circumstances, I feel incredibly blessed, loved, and fortunate in my life. There are some days I forget, but, I'm human; I'm definitely more grateful than not. I happened to also have the opportunity again to work with a man I truly love and admire: Marshall McDonald. If you don't know who he is, I'd suggest you Google and YouTube him right now! He is currently the choir director at the Taylorsville Institute at SLCC's Redwood Campus. He has a day (audition) choir and a night (anyone) choir. I got to be in the day choir for a 3rd time (I've been in this choir on and off for 5 ish years). I had had promptings all year long that I needed to 'seek healing through music', and choir was an answer to prayer. Not only did I have amazing experiences, like meeting/singing for General Authorities in person, I got to meet amazing people. People who I am proud to call my friends. This semester has quite literally changed my life! My circumstances are basically the same, but my outlook has changed because I allowed the Gospel and goodness back in my life. I've been called to seek forgiveness and as of right now, it is currently the biggest challenge I'm working through. If I can walk through hell and come out with no visible damage, and still be able to testify of the Truth and Beauty of the Gospel, then you can do it, too! Remember, Heavenly Father loves you.

My Single Bucket List

I want to be smarter this time around with being single. I want to do things right and not rush a thing. Here's a list of things I'd like to accomplish by time I marry again:

• Go on a Mission. (If that is something I'm meant to do.)
• Complete school. English Major. My desire to learn ASL is creeping back, as well.
• Become a spiritual giant. 
• Enjoy life and not take things for granted.
• Be more grateful, and charitable.
• Update my blog once a week.
• LOSE WEIGHT. I am finally motivated to make this happen. I want to be a new me.
• Exercise. Yoga, swim, boxing, etc. I want to do it!

I really just want to put my life in the Lords hands. I've never done that before. I want to love and trust again; in both Heavenly Father and humanity. 

What's in a name?

So, my new, pretty little girl of mine officially has a name:

What to say?

I want to write. I do. I just don't know what to say. . . . 

I guess all I can really do is confirm that yes, Dallin and I are getting divorced. And it's horrible. All the crying, and sleepless nights. Being alone, losing friends, being disowned by family (unfortunately yes, my family is a piece of work). It's awful. I wouldn't wish this

Timing in the Music.

I have fallen in love with all the new songs that have been coming out recently. I don't ever remember liking so many new releases before. The thing I find interesting is how similar they are; they all seem to be about difficulties and hardships in relationships, yet I can't help loving them. They all speak to me, too. Maybe because I can relate somewhat and it soothes the aching in my heart. Some of them, as beautiful as they are, are completely haunting to me. I don't know why. 

A dream come true!

So, I'm still wondering if I'm dreaming, but, I know I'm not. I got a new job on Tuesday and I LOVE it!!! I'm finally working with dogs! It is so hard to get into the 'animal industry'. I now work at City Pet Club, or CPC for short. It's pretty much a day care for kids, but with dogs, who also sometimes spend the night, and there is also cats. There's lunch time, nap time, play time, the occasional fight you need to break up, it sounds just like kids, right? In this case, volunteering with NMHP was definitely worth it! Not that volunteering anywhere is ever not worth it, but, I can now get paid to do something I love.

"If the Devil is real, then God must be real, too."

Photo Credit

If you don't already know, I'm diagnosed with depression, anxiety, OCD, and I have a hormone imbalance. ALL these things mess with my emotions, hence why I feel like I am a 24/7 wreck. It doesn't help that I've been yo-yo dieting and have had so many prescriptions in the last 3 months that Dallin is going nuts. 

Pretty much since being told in December that I'm at high risk for

2013

Here it is the end of March, my 2nd post of the year; which is un-like me. This year has already proven to be difficult; I honestly hope the worst is behind us and that this year can progressively become better. There have been some good things that have happened:

No, I'm not OK.

It's been almost 3 1/2 weeks since I let 'the whole world' know about what I've known for 6 weeks. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's time for you to jump on the band wagon - 'Come what may', came.

As I've let people know, I have good days and I have bad days. Although the good days are becoming more and more distant. People can tell something is up, but appear to hesitate to ask anything. It's nothing new. It's the same thing. Even shopping is hard. When you check out, your checker always asks, "How are you?" I hate that question. My loved ones who are concerned are calling or messaging me, asking if I'm OK. 

The truth is. . .

Come what may.... came.

Did I jinx myself? 'Come what may'..... yeah, I'm REALLY good at putting my foot in my mouth. Remember this post of mine on Motherhood in August? There's another side of my 'motherhood' insecurity that I didn't mention.... and it's one that I don't really talk about in case of taboo; you know, when you don't want to say something out loud in fear that the opposite will happen according to what you really want to happen? Yeah, it's one of those things. Well, I go without talking about it and it happens anyway.... so much for taboo.

I'd like to assume everyone knows about my current predicament, but, that would be ignorant of me (is that the right word I wanted to use?) so, I will re-inform all my readers like no one knows. 

During the first week of December, I went in and saw

Baby Boy is here!

My sister had her THIRD baby today! I can't believe it. All boys.... she's going to have her hands full! I love being an aunt..... what can I say? I think I have some of the cutest nieces and nephews on the planet ;) 

As of right now, this adorable boy doesn't have a name yet, but, he is loved regardless. (UPDATE: His name is Waylen Ray James. I love my sister to death, but can't stand her name choices! [Yes, I've told her this] So, I'm gonna call him James.)

The crappy part about his birth: my sister had to have a c-section; it bothers me knowing my sister was cut open. 

The awesome part about his birth:

New Ford Family Members!

Here are our 4th and 5th new members of our family.

D'artagnan

 and

Pippin

Can't tell what Pippin is? He's a hedgehog. Why did we get him? Ask Dallin. He's the one that wanted him.

I am WAY outnumbered in this house now! Oh well, good thing I love all my boys. :)

WE'RE MOVED!!!

It's SUCH a relief to be moved and in our own place! *sigh* (insert happy/relieved face right here.)

DRUMROLL

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Here's the moment you've been waiting for ..... PICTURES! 

The pictures uploaded WAY out of order, so, you can try tour best at figuring it all out ;)

Family room

Family room

Family room

Master

Master

Main bathroom

2nd bathroom

2nd bedroom - future childs room 

3rd 'bedroom'/office (which will actually be guest room/library/craft room)

Detached external garage and shed (SO much storage! I love it!)

Living room

Living room

Kitchen

Dining area

Family room

I love our house :) 

P.S. We added a new member to our family, too. I will eventually post pictures of him, too.

Stay tuned 

Halloween weekend

I know I keep promising posts, but, I just don't know when I will get to them. Anyway, this past weekend was SO fun! Best (pre) Halloween I've ever had! It started on Friday night. My wonderful aunt is in town from England and we had a Rasmussen Family Halloween party. We all dress up, stuff our faces, have contests and play games - it's always a blast! (Especially when you have some awesome extended family members, too ;) ) 

This year was the first time ever that Dallin and I matched costumes for Halloween. (and I think my 1st time ever [in many years anyway] that I've dressed up as a 'good guy' or something not scary - what can I say? I love my horror.) 

Anyway - this is how our night ended.... all the super heroes (and super villain?) had a show down with the zombies. You know you're jealous that your family never had a costume party show down ;) 

The next day:

We ran a 5K - our 1st one.

It was the Zombie Chase. We never trained for it - and I know we paid for it, but, it was a blast! 

Afterwards, Dallin, Todd, Coleton and I went to Trafalga and played laser tag for a few hours.

Then we dropped the boys off and went to Gato's to play 

Left 4 Dead and watched episode 302 of 

Walking Dead - we love this show! 

By this time, we were very exhausted! After we enjoyed our lunch from Cafe Rio, we went home to take a much deserved and needed nap. 

Afterwards, we got super heroe'd up again and rescued some civilians from the grasps of zombies! 

We went to the Zombie Apocalypse at the xsi factory in Lehi by Thanksgiving Point; IT.WAS. AWESOME! I love scary stuff and generally don't get scared. This creeped me out and I would TOTALLY recommend it! SO fun! I just wish it was longer! 

OK, to end the night, we attended a dance party that was also in the xsi factory. It was also a debut party for Alex Boye's new single, Zombie.

Oh, c'mon! You know Alex Boye' - Utah famous LDS artist who also happens to be in Mo Tab? 

 

This dude? OK, let's move on.

ANYWAY, Alex Boye' was there, and it was AWESOME! As we were getting in line, they told us to come back to hear him perform. By the time we finished, we missed it. We went back and asked if we could get a picture with him - and we did. :) 

Albeit not a good one, but, a picture regardless. After I asked him if he sang his song, and then that was when were informed that we missed it. I was bummed. So, we headed out to the dance floor - it was pretty empty, but, we tore it up anyway. Dallin was freakin' hilarious since he had his mask on and no one could see his face. We were apparently there long enough for Alex to come back out and sing his new song again. (Which was released today btw) As the music started, he said a few words about the song and then said that  'this song is dedicated to bat girl'; how awesome is that!?

During the song there is an instrumental interlude; in the pick up to it, I slowly realized that through the darkness and the flashing lights that Alex was walking closer and closer to me. Then, he grabbed me and we started dancing! It was SO fun! I got a picture with him, a song dedicated to me, & I got to dance with him?! I can't think of any better way to end the evening. 

You should watch the video. Like. NOW. 

Our Zombie filled day was perfect and so fun! Hope you had an awesome Halloween weekend, too!

Foto Fly

We went to Foto Fly several days ago for updated pictures. As always, the pictures turn out awesome, the price is awesome and the service is great. Here's a few for you to see :D They're only my personal favorites. 

 The husband wanted head shots because you know, he wants to get famous or something?

P.S. I cut and colored my hair a few days before this. So, these are the best pics you are gonna get of my new 'do! 

Blessings

Things over the past few weeks have been answers to prayers. My prayers have been more prayers in my heart; I'm making a goal to do better with personal prayers. So, I'm sure for those who have been praying for us - those have been answered as well. I've been meaning to blog for awhile, but I've been so busy. I guess everything starts back at the start of August, but, I think I'll hold your attention captive and save that for another time. 

The past few weeks, I can see the Lords hand has been involved in my life; I can only hope I can be humble and give the gratitude he deserves. My 2 vacations were much needed and memorable. My job has been a HUGE blessing! My mom moved back home, and I feel many things fell in place for our house. 

First off, I can't say how perfect my job is; it's everything I've wanted in a job and more.

Our house. *sigh* Can I tell you when my Realtor called and told us that we got the house - I can't believe I didn't cry! This-house-is-PERFECT! Yes, it's in Magna, but, it's the nicest neighborhood I've seen in Magna. It's the perfect size, a central location between both of our jobs, and everything I wanted in a house. My biggest 3 things was I wanted an open floor plan, a 2nd bathroom, and a fenced yard. The sellers also let us keep the fridge, stove, microwave, and dish washer - the ONLY thing we need to buy is a washer and dryer. The house is move in ready. I can't think of a better place to start our first ever home together. :) 

P.S. This wasn't as detailed as I wanted it to be because it is getting late and I am tired, so, hopefully I will add on later. :D goodnight. 

Mrs. Ashley Marie Ford

Surprised? Yes as you should be. You're probably wondering why I would post a blog about myself? That's a very good question which deserves a very legitimate answer. The truth is, this isn't your average-everyday blogger signing back on for another regular post. This is a blogger taking over who has never posted a blog before.... until now. Ashley has been out of town since August 3rd and won't get back for another few days. So, in the meantime, I plan to take over and steal all her fans away while she's gone! Mwahahaha!! Okay, just kidding, not really. I'm pretty sure most of you have either guessed correctly by now. If you are still wondering who this is and why they are stealing the blogging spotlight from the one and only, you'll find out soon enough. 

Well, your questions will be answered in due time, but for now all you need to know is this blog is about a special someone named

 Ashley Marie Ford.

She was born on July 7th 1988. She is the oldest of 10 siblings (a mix of kids in a blended family either by marriage, or birthed from other parents.) 

She was married on 09/09/09 to Dallin Ford.

Early Life & Persistence

She grew up in Sandy, UT. She has had a very hard life from the get go. She struggled with learning and school at an early age while her younger siblings excelled in school. Her mother thought she would be the only one to drop out of school because of these problems. She overcame her obstacles and was the only one that ended graduating high school (in 2007) while her siblings in actuality ended up dropping out of school. (One has diploma from 2nd attended high school) She had a hard family life having to experience heart ache and depression from family trauma and divorce growing up. But she's made it this far and continues to persist in even the roughest of times.

Animal Lover

Ever since Ashley was young, she has always loved animals. They have been apart of her life and still are to this day and always will be. Her favorite is dogs but she loves all animals in general. She has had multiple pets growing up and has lost many along the way. Her most current pet is her little doggy Gizmo that she loves more than ever.

Even while struggling financially she volunteered at No More Homeless Pets every week because of her passion for animals was so strong.

Music and Books

Ashley has an amazing voice, she is one of the only members in her family that is very talented and blessed with a beautiful singing voice. She has been in multiple choirs throughout her life. From high school choirs, to being a part of the renowned Salt Lake Symphonic Choir, to even auditioning for American Idol. Music has always played a huge role in her life. One of her favorite bands (just to name 1 of many) is Linkin Park. She loves Linkin Park!

She also loves reading, she has a wide selection of fantasy books that she has read over and over. She has always been a huge book worm and continues to read from time to time to this day. One of her favorite books (also just to name one of many) is Harry Potter. For those of you that don't already know, this is her current Facebook profile picture as we speak actually!

Gamer Girl

It's fun to have someone that you can play video games with. Especially when you hear that that someone is a girl. Ashley's always been into gaming unlike most girls you'll come across. Which I think is pretty awesome and it makes most people jealous. Her whole family has always been big gamers. Her and her mother used to have regular "Halo Party's"! Believe it or not her GRANDMA is the one that got her family into gaming in the first place. Halo and Left 4 Dead and Portal are some of Ashley's all time favorites.

Halo

Left 4 Dead

Portal

Honesty

Ever since I've known Ashley she has always been a 100% honest person. She's one of those people that literally can't lie. She sometimes gets her self into trouble because of her being so truthful on certain matters; but with that being said, that isn't exactly a bad thing. There are very few people left that I know of that are as honest as this girl, she has a Christ-like countenance about her that glows when it comes to honesty. That is just one of many Christ-like attributes that she possesses.

Unconditional Love & Obedience

Ashley has a big heart, a very BIG heart. When it comes to unconditional love she tops the cake. No matter who it is, where they came from, what they're story is she loves and continues to love after that. Whether it's people or animals it doesn't matter. She shows it with her family, she shows it with friends, and even people that she has just met. She looks past the judgmental side of things and demonstrates a great love for her fellowmen. Another Christ-like attribute that glimmers about her. Also another attribute that is very rare these days. Early in her life when growing up she has always struggled with church in her life. She was active for a while, then had a big gap of being less-active because of family matters and divorce being present as previously mentioned. She never had good examples in her life when it came to church activity. But that being said that didn't change her obedience within. She has a very obedient soul about her. She just struggled because there was no one to support her so she fell away for a time being. When I met her I could tell that there was a hunger for obedience, which is miraculous because when someone falls away for as long as she did it takes them just as long to come back to the path, but not her. She was able to almost instantaneously, and that is something I truly am grateful for because obedience is a hard thing to develop. She shined with obedience and was an example to her whole family by coming back and going through the temple, being sealed, and continuing to serve with dignity in all of her callings in the church to this very day without fail. Since then her father has been able to enter the temple again after falling away for a very long time. Her grandma (same mentioned above) has joined the church and was baptized, and also entered the temple about a month ago. And I believe it has all been because of her great obedient example that she continues show day to day.

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Well hopefully by now my blog writing skills have been up to par at this point, knowing that "most" of the readers that come here are going to be of the women audience. Hopefully I blended in well and the thought of  a male blogging didn't come as to big of a shock to your minds. But yes it's true, this is Dallin. (Ashley's husband) I'm grateful for this opportunity to tell you guys some basic facts about this wonderful woman, as it only seems fair since she filled you in about me in a previous blog, here. Who knows maybe I'll be back? 

Thank you wifey for all that you do.