Marriage

You know, this whole weekend of the gay community being able to get married in Utah has got me thinking. We predominantly live in a society who thinks marriage is simply a piece of paper, where a couple would rather cohabitate than commit to each other. Divorce rates are dropping simply because less and less people are choosing to get married. As a result, families are either becoming nonexistent or they are being targeted and torn apart and leaving extreme emotional scars on the children of the future who are supposed to take care of us when my generation gets old.... how is this comforting? How can so many straight people want this life? I'm actually in awe of the LGTB community. All they've been able to do is cohabitate, and that hasn't been enough for them. They actually want to commit to each other, to be a family! How admirable is that!? I love that there are actually people out there who care about the commitment of marriage. Instead of being discriminating and hateful, I think we should marvel at the example this group of people are setting. The straight community could learn a lot from their mindset; we need to not take marriage for granted! It is a God given right and sacred bond that gets trashed and misused everyday. I'm grateful there are people still fighting for that desire that seemed to have become "unpopular". 

What to say?

I want to write. I do. I just don't know what to say. . . . 

I guess all I can really do is confirm that yes, Dallin and I are getting divorced. And it's horrible. All the crying, and sleepless nights. Being alone, losing friends, being disowned by family (unfortunately yes, my family is a piece of work). It's awful. I wouldn't wish this

"If the Devil is real, then God must be real, too."

Photo Credit

If you don't already know, I'm diagnosed with depression, anxiety, OCD, and I have a hormone imbalance. ALL these things mess with my emotions, hence why I feel like I am a 24/7 wreck. It doesn't help that I've been yo-yo dieting and have had so many prescriptions in the last 3 months that Dallin is going nuts. 

Pretty much since being told in December that I'm at high risk for

2013

Here it is the end of March, my 2nd post of the year; which is un-like me. This year has already proven to be difficult; I honestly hope the worst is behind us and that this year can progressively become better. There have been some good things that have happened:

Come what may.... came.

Did I jinx myself? 'Come what may'..... yeah, I'm REALLY good at putting my foot in my mouth. Remember this post of mine on Motherhood in August? There's another side of my 'motherhood' insecurity that I didn't mention.... and it's one that I don't really talk about in case of taboo; you know, when you don't want to say something out loud in fear that the opposite will happen according to what you really want to happen? Yeah, it's one of those things. Well, I go without talking about it and it happens anyway.... so much for taboo.

I'd like to assume everyone knows about my current predicament, but, that would be ignorant of me (is that the right word I wanted to use?) so, I will re-inform all my readers like no one knows. 

During the first week of December, I went in and saw

Baby Boy is here!

My sister had her THIRD baby today! I can't believe it. All boys.... she's going to have her hands full! I love being an aunt..... what can I say? I think I have some of the cutest nieces and nephews on the planet ;) 

As of right now, this adorable boy doesn't have a name yet, but, he is loved regardless. (UPDATE: His name is Waylen Ray James. I love my sister to death, but can't stand her name choices! [Yes, I've told her this] So, I'm gonna call him James.)

The crappy part about his birth: my sister had to have a c-section; it bothers me knowing my sister was cut open. 

The awesome part about his birth:

New Ford Family Members!

Here are our 4th and 5th new members of our family.

D'artagnan

 and

Pippin

Can't tell what Pippin is? He's a hedgehog. Why did we get him? Ask Dallin. He's the one that wanted him.

I am WAY outnumbered in this house now! Oh well, good thing I love all my boys. :)

WE'RE MOVED!!!

It's SUCH a relief to be moved and in our own place! *sigh* (insert happy/relieved face right here.)

DRUMROLL

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Here's the moment you've been waiting for ..... PICTURES! 

The pictures uploaded WAY out of order, so, you can try tour best at figuring it all out ;)

Family room

Family room

Family room

Master

Master

Main bathroom

2nd bathroom

2nd bedroom - future childs room 

3rd 'bedroom'/office (which will actually be guest room/library/craft room)

Detached external garage and shed (SO much storage! I love it!)

Living room

Living room

Kitchen

Dining area

Family room

I love our house :) 

P.S. We added a new member to our family, too. I will eventually post pictures of him, too.

Stay tuned 

Foto Fly

We went to Foto Fly several days ago for updated pictures. As always, the pictures turn out awesome, the price is awesome and the service is great. Here's a few for you to see :D They're only my personal favorites. 

 The husband wanted head shots because you know, he wants to get famous or something?

P.S. I cut and colored my hair a few days before this. So, these are the best pics you are gonna get of my new 'do! 

Motherhood

I have always been incredibly indecisive with how I feel about children and being a mother. Originally, when I was younger, I never wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, let alone even having kids! I used to be very feminist. (I still am sexist though, to my own odd, extent.) Since then, I've been chastised many times (nicely of course) that being a mother is the most important thing I will do in my life. When we were first married, I was very caught up in what other couples were doing; they did something, so, I 'had' to do it, too. Having children was one of those many things. I stressed myself out by putting pressure on myself on things I thought I should be doing; I felt obligated to have a child. When I realized how adolescent my thought process was, I flipped a 180° and decided that I never wanted to have children.

I guess, in a way, we have it easy. Dallin's older brother and his wife had their 3rd baby in April, and they aren't done having kids, so, there is really no pressure on the Ford side to have kids.

 As my sister is pregnant with her 3rd child and I have young siblings, there isn't any pressure on my side of the family, either.

My baby sister - isn't she the cutest!?

I do however find it funny that the moms aren't grand baby hungry and the dads are! The couple times we've had scares and I told my dad we might be pregnant, his eyes lit up like Christmas trees; he loves babies! He loves being a grandpa, too. 

Isn't this the most adorable picture, ever?

The past year has completely burned me out. If I was simple before, I'm plain now. Certain things just don't bother me as much as they used to. I'm more easily satisfied with smaller, simpler things. I'm realizing what really is important and what isn't. 

Me and Aeros. My 2nd youngest nephew (for now).

This little boy owns my heart. He is the most beautiful baby boy I've ever laid eyes on! (But, Rasmussen's make good lookin' babies anyway ;) ) Between him, my baby sister, and my other little nephew, I'm always holding a baby at a family function. 

I'm officially baby hungry. And I'm OK with it. I no longer get anxiety attacks thinking that we don't have a place to call our own, or that neither of us have a career/education, or that we are dirt poor. Even though now is not the time for us to start our family, it's OK. I feel ready. Now, I just have to be patient and wait when Heavenly Father is ready to bless us with a family. Whether it's our own biological children or not. Everything happens for a reason. I only hope I have the strength to continue down the path we are on and that I have the faith needed for what lies ahead.

Come What May. 

Ashley's Cousins Wedding

Shauna made a lovely bride! It's crazy to think that all the cousins on my moms side are all grown up and married or have kids. I'm grateful that my awesome cousin asked me to be a bridesmaid! I was so excited when she asked me. What better friends can you have besides family? 

P.S.

This is a picture of my aunt saying goodbye to my grandpa; I think this picture is sweet. :)

"Doggy Pile"

Wow! It's been awhile since I blogged last. Life has been busy and chaotic in the past few weeks. Well, I can't remember what I've blogged about last, but, I'll "dog pile" everything for you guys:

Dallin has been working his butt off as usual, and I've been in school full time (my 1st and probably last time ever) the past semester. If you include my 2 institute classes I took, I did about 16 or 18 credit hours this semester, and I STILL am in Salt Lake Symphonic Choir AND I got a part time seasonal job about a month ago - yeah, I've been busy; and all that at once was probably a bad idea. Oh well. 1 concert and 2 finals down, have 2 concerts and 3 finals to go! 

On top of this, we had to do $1,300 of repairs between both our cars, back-to-back, and I was car-less for almost 2 weeks (NOT FUN!) and our hard drive in our computer went bad and that cost $400 to repair! The computer crashed RIGHT as I had a bunch of major papers due, and guess what? We lost everything on our computer; all documents, all my Photoshop stuff, any program we ever downloaded, all our pictures, wedding pics - EVERYTHING! When it rains - it pours. I'm just grateful we never got the car we were wanting to get so we had the money to pay for all these stupid repairs! If we didn't have the money - I don't know WHAT we would have done! 

The other thing that sucks is those repairs dipped into our funds for our down payment for a home, too - if anyone wants to "reimburse" us the $1,700 we lost, I'd gladly accept! (yes, I know - I'm dreaming. *sigh*) I wish we had a long-lost relative that left us money in a will and died or something..... we're just starting to get desperate to get out of here. In 2 days we will have officially lived with my in-laws for a year - yuck! I love [most] of them, but, I hate living with them. I just hope we can find a house sooner than later; house hunting is exhausting!

 My sister had her son, Aeros (I know), on Dec 23rd and he was pretty healthy for being really early. He was due on Feb 14th of this year! My sister-in-law had her baby on April 25th, his name is Gary, and she was 3 weeks late! My sister, Amber, is always early and Karen, my sis-in-law, is always late. So, now I have 4 nephews and 2 nieces - I LOVE being an aunt! 

On April 26th, my Dad turned 50. My step-mom threw a surprise party for him and it was AWESOME! My dad seemed so thrilled to have 50 + people to be there for him! I have some pictures that my aunt Jaimi took (http://www.yourlifeinfocus.net) that I will share. Hope everyone is having a good spring! 

The kids helping my dad blow the candles out.

Aeros

My dad, Amber, me, and Aeros. 

Me with the boy :D He looks just like Amber when she was a baby. 

AHH! Can I tell you how excited I am that this picture finally exists!?  This is the first picture that has all my family in it besides my mom (and step-dad [by default]), and 2 other sisters. So, here we have my Dad, Step-mom, Tammy, and 7 of my 9 siblings. (10 including me)

This is the grand-kids with Grandpa & Grandma. 

The last of the "cool" Movies 9 crew! (JK!) "cole" had her farewell today. She is going to make an awesome Missionary!
L-R: Lindsey, Nicole, me, Dallin. 

One Day. . .

I love this picture.

This was taken at the Rasmussen Christmas party last year.

I feel this picture captures everyone's personality very well.

Here we have my little brother, sisters, and niece.

Maybe, one day, we will have a family that will look like this. . .

. . .One day.