What to say?

I want to write. I do. I just don't know what to say. . . . 

I guess all I can really do is confirm that yes, Dallin and I are getting divorced. And it's horrible. All the crying, and sleepless nights. Being alone, losing friends, being disowned by family (unfortunately yes, my family is a piece of work). It's awful. I wouldn't wish this

"If the Devil is real, then God must be real, too."

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If you don't already know, I'm diagnosed with depression, anxiety, OCD, and I have a hormone imbalance. ALL these things mess with my emotions, hence why I feel like I am a 24/7 wreck. It doesn't help that I've been yo-yo dieting and have had so many prescriptions in the last 3 months that Dallin is going nuts. 

Pretty much since being told in December that I'm at high risk for

Come what may.... came.

Did I jinx myself? 'Come what may'..... yeah, I'm REALLY good at putting my foot in my mouth. Remember this post of mine on Motherhood in August? There's another side of my 'motherhood' insecurity that I didn't mention.... and it's one that I don't really talk about in case of taboo; you know, when you don't want to say something out loud in fear that the opposite will happen according to what you really want to happen? Yeah, it's one of those things. Well, I go without talking about it and it happens anyway.... so much for taboo.

I'd like to assume everyone knows about my current predicament, but, that would be ignorant of me (is that the right word I wanted to use?) so, I will re-inform all my readers like no one knows. 

During the first week of December, I went in and saw