Day 22

A picture of something you wish you were better at.

I pretty much FAIL at being a house wife. I hate cooking, I hate cleaning; I hate it all! When I was younger, my mind was SET on having a full time career when I 'grew up'. I had no desire to be a stay at home mom; I don't even remember if I wanted to have children or not, actually. I know that all I wanted when I was younger (and my brother and sister COMPLETELY agree with this) is that we did not want any children we had to have the same childhood we did.

I've had several "chastisement's" about wanting a career over being a stay at home mom, and I am more willing about it now, but, when I sit and think about it, I REALLY just don't want to stay home and do the same things day after day. Having a job just seems more rewarding,especially if you went to school for it and it's something you have always wanted to do.

PLUS the thought of ever being a mom scares me and I have been concerned on if we can even have children or not, but, either way, we are not ready for children now or anytime soon.

Also

I've never been very good about saying "I love you".

A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.

Honestly, I'm hard to offend. The only people that can hurt me are my family and those I consider family; like best friends. This happened 2 years ago, but, this was the last major heart break I've had, so, it's still recent to me. This letter is 2 years old and to my once-upon-a-time best friend.

Dear Ashton,

If you read this, fine, but, I somehow doubt it. I have learned more from you in the week we have not been friends, than in the 2 - 3 years we were friends. We had had this conversation before; how laid back you are VS how stressed out I get. I think with how laid back you are, you dont care as much. So, when I would say stuff about Kat, you would not defend her, you would just justify why she is the way she is. And I'm sure it was the same the other direction.

I have realized that I used you to fill the void that my dad and brother created by not really being in my life, and I let myself attach to you. You know how many guys I've dated, and all the ups and downs I have gone through. Of all the guys in my life, not including family, you have broken my heart the most. I think it hurt the most because, you were my best friend and I never saw it coming; and then I got blind sighted from you. And the best part is, you don't seem like you care. Looks like you picked up something from your "wonderful" girlfriend. I honestly dont see whats so wonderful about her. When you get married, her family is your family and the other way around. How does it feel knowing your family doesnt like the person you would like to spend the rest of your life with? Your friends? Oh, wait, you pushed them all away. And the ones you do have, how long will they last? Who are you going yo go to when times get tough? Well, knowing your mom, I dont think she is gonna want to do anything that will have to do with her, but, then again, I dont truly know your mom.
Do you remember the night you called me up crying? I felt so honored that I was the one you called. I thought then that you had learned your lesson; she had cheated on you, she didnt accept you for who you are by forcing you to go to church when you didnt want to. And what do you do, you go crawling back to her . . . WHY!? Were you too lazy to go on dates with other people?! Wanted the sex?! It definitely was NOT her "fun outgoing" personality, she is NOT a people person, and is NOT friendly! I know that Cade could vouch for that. How grateful I am that you got stuck with her! If Cade did and I had her for a sister-in-law!?!?!?! I don't even want to think about it . . I am SO glad Cade dumped her butt! I can only imagine dating someone SO possesive would only be miserable! How do you go out and have fun? Because you cant hang out with friends because she doesnt like anybody!
The ONLY good thing that has come out of this, is I can let you go. It hurts, but sometimes you have to let good things fall apart to let better things fall together.

I am in my third serious relationship. I am an open book and I always figured I would have no problem opening up and giving myself to someone. I have opened myself up as much as I could but always felt I could not give all of myself. Why? Because that last part that was needed to give was already taken. I had given it to you not realizing I had. Not until it had to be broken to be removed. I can finally move on and try to find my "happily ever-after". You were holding me back.
I'm going to miss you, more than you will ever know. But honestly, I think I got the best thing to come out of this. She has made you miserable once, and she will make you miserable again. I know for a FACT that you two will not last. The only way I believe that you two will live "happily ever after", is the day I read your obituary that you two died in each others arms old, and gray.
Im just glad that you two are having a boy, he needs to be more like you. A girl would surely take after Kat, and we dont need another one in the world, one has already done enough damage. One day, you will realize what you REALLY want in life; and I thought I was a late bloomer . . .

Like I said when I broke down in tears, Nice knowing you.