Motherhood

I have always been incredibly indecisive with how I feel about children and being a mother. Originally, when I was younger, I never wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, let alone even having kids! I used to be very feminist. (I still am sexist though, to my own odd, extent.) Since then, I've been chastised many times (nicely of course) that being a mother is the most important thing I will do in my life. When we were first married, I was very caught up in what other couples were doing; they did something, so, I 'had' to do it, too. Having children was one of those many things. I stressed myself out by putting pressure on myself on things I thought I should be doing; I felt obligated to have a child. When I realized how adolescent my thought process was, I flipped a 180° and decided that I never wanted to have children.

I guess, in a way, we have it easy. Dallin's older brother and his wife had their 3rd baby in April, and they aren't done having kids, so, there is really no pressure on the Ford side to have kids.

 As my sister is pregnant with her 3rd child and I have young siblings, there isn't any pressure on my side of the family, either.

My baby sister - isn't she the cutest!?

I do however find it funny that the moms aren't grand baby hungry and the dads are! The couple times we've had scares and I told my dad we might be pregnant, his eyes lit up like Christmas trees; he loves babies! He loves being a grandpa, too. 

Isn't this the most adorable picture, ever?

The past year has completely burned me out. If I was simple before, I'm plain now. Certain things just don't bother me as much as they used to. I'm more easily satisfied with smaller, simpler things. I'm realizing what really is important and what isn't. 

Me and Aeros. My 2nd youngest nephew (for now).

This little boy owns my heart. He is the most beautiful baby boy I've ever laid eyes on! (But, Rasmussen's make good lookin' babies anyway ;) ) Between him, my baby sister, and my other little nephew, I'm always holding a baby at a family function. 

I'm officially baby hungry. And I'm OK with it. I no longer get anxiety attacks thinking that we don't have a place to call our own, or that neither of us have a career/education, or that we are dirt poor. Even though now is not the time for us to start our family, it's OK. I feel ready. Now, I just have to be patient and wait when Heavenly Father is ready to bless us with a family. Whether it's our own biological children or not. Everything happens for a reason. I only hope I have the strength to continue down the path we are on and that I have the faith needed for what lies ahead.

Come What May.